I Am So Not a Morning Person
I am not a morning person. If you’ve seen me whining on Facebook, you might have suspected this about me. If you’re a morning person, please don’t hate me. I really can’t help it. It doesn’t matter if I go to bed at six in the evening and sleep until six or seven. There are slight differences in how I feel if I’d had three hours of sleep and the requisite eight. Slight. When I open my eyes in the morning, I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or eaten by wolves and then pooped over a cliff. Or the smashed bug on your windshield.
This is me about nine o'clock in the morning. I usually get my wheels back on around eleven. Give or take... Copyright by WyoJones. All rights reserved. Used with permission.
I’m honestly surprised that I’m a) not dead, and b) that I can feel that bad and not be dead. Except that one would hope that being dead would end the misery. Oh my gosh! What if resurrection morning is painful?? That would really bite the big one. I don’t have to be a morning person. I would settle for being morning neutral. I’m not what you’d call perky at night.
I thought everyone felt awful when they woke up. That some people started feeling better faster. Then a morning person friend (I have them) told me she feels fine when she wakes up. Sometimes she feels a “little sleepy.” A little sleepy?
Okay, I kind of know how that feels. Before I go to bed. Because I’m a night person. Officially morning begins a few seconds after midnight. That’s night for me, but anything that occurs after I’ve gone to sleep is “morning,” no matter what the clock says. I personally don’t believe in 4, 5, or 6 o’clock in the morning. I know they exist, but I don’t like spending time with them. And you won’t like spending time with me then.
I have no clue why Life rolled the morning dice and mine came up craps. But here’s the deal. If you’re a morning person living with a night person, these are some things you can expect and some things you shouldn’t expect. Expect:
- Blank stares
- Grumpy gradually fading to bleak acceptance.
- Bleak acceptance gradually giving way for basic sentience.
- Basic sentience gradually becoming rational thought and the ability to carry on a conversation.
- Smiles can follow on the heels of rational thought if no inhibiting forces are present (such as colds, allergies, lack of chocolate or Diet Dr. Pepper).
- Optimism about personal survival or that of the human race
Until the bleak mid-morning has been successfully survived. I can still remember a conversation I had with Our Son not long after he started schooling at home. This took place during my personal prime time.
Our Son: Wow, mom, you’re actually very funny.
Me: (after thinking about this) Sorry about that. I’m not a morning person. Our Son: (after thinking about this) No.
I guess he needed consecutive days to notice. And to not have the late afternoon and evenings ruined by homework …
I know that morning people probably experience something not unlike these symptoms in the evening, but I’m not sure. What is it like to be a morning person at night? Does suffering become our meeting place?
Perilously yours, Pauline
“Jones is back and taking on new genres and challenges in this high-intensity time-traveling war thriller.” RT Book Reviews
What happens when a twenty-first century woman on a mission to change the past meets a thoroughly 1940s man trying to stay alive in the hellish skies over war-torn Europe?
You can buy this book now in digital and audio!
(Also available in used print editions.)
Pauline Baird Jones
Perilously fun Fiction