38 Things I Have Learned As A Mom
1} You will never do anything in your own privacy again once you become a mom. Your privacy is now your children's privacy as well. You will especially have an audience when you are in the bathroom.
2} There is no love, by anyone else in the world, that can replace your love for your child.
3} There will be times, (like everyday), when you think you are doing a horrible job as a mother. You're not. You're doing great!
4} Always, no matter what, have a pack of wet wipes with you. You never know when you will have a dirty butt, or face, or sticky hands, or spilled juice, or.... well, really those things can clean anything.
5} Hiding in the closet to stuff chocolate in your face while the kids are playing is OKAY and will become a regular occurrance. You will also master the art of eating half a candy bar without moving your mouth so your kids cannot notice.
6} Macaroni and cheese will become the most popularly requested meal in your house.
7} You will be able to shower, get dressed, ready, and do the dishes all in your child's nap time.
8} You will gain more patience for your children than you ever thought possible. I used to have zero patience, but with children you will learn to slow down and let them take their time. I am still a very impatient person, but much better than I used to be!
9} You know everything is fine when you can hear the kids in the other room yelling, laughing or arguing. When it becomes quiet, there's a problem, or will be very soon.
10} Princess or Cars band-aids are so much better than the regular brown ones.
11} If it makes noise, moves, can be turned upside down, put in a mouth, has a cord, is filled with liquid, can be ripped, can be spilled, can be smeared on a wall, or can be thrown...... your baby WILL try it!
12} You and your husband will invent your own secret language and start spelling out words to communicate without the little ones understanding what you are saying. Don't laugh when your husband stumbles to spell out long words.
13} ALWAYS. BE. PREPARED. Usually the worst things will happen at the worst times when you are not planning on these things happening.
14} It is a good idea to sleep when the baby sleeps just like everyone says, but seriously you can get SO MUCH done during nap time. It's miraculous.
15} Children really do absorb everything you do or say. For example, "Damn dogs!"
16} You will find scribbles on walls. Walls that you didn't even know you had. In permanent marker.
17} You also might find that your little artist decided to water color paint the tablecloth as well as the paper and newspaper. They will then want to hang each and every painting on the fridge before it is dry. You can clean it later. They feel like little Picasos.
18} Going outside can almost instantly make a crabby kid happy. And a crabby mom as well.
19} Even if you are so mad to the point of yelling or screaming, a baby giggle will make you smile, or giggle as well. It might even turn into uncontrollable laughter back and forth between the both of you.
20} Don't feel bad for holding a sleeping baby too long. No, they won't grow up to be spoiled. And no, it's not a waste of time. It's cuddles that are needed for both of you.
21} There will be times when you tell your child "don't____!", and then you will turn around and die laughing without even making a sound so they don't hear you. Example, "Charlie, STOP licking my toes!"
22} When you make any dessert, properly cover it and store the left overs. By properly, I mean cover it with a metal, lockable lid, and put it in the freezer where it will not be seen or found. Otherwise your child will find it and eat it. All of it.
23} Go look under the backseat in your vehicle. I will guarantee there's either a dirty diaper or a sippy cup that got lost and forgotten about. And there's that missing paci you spent hours looking for too!
24} There will be some things that your child does and you will think to yourself, "they are so much exactly like me, it's scary.". there also be times when your child does something and you will ask yourself, "where in the WORLD did they learn that?!"
25} Your baby will have one of those blow out poops when they are in the cutest outfit ever. Stock up on stain remover.
26} You will learn the difference between a genuine, happy smile and an uh-oh-I-just-got-caught smile. You will also learn that they are both ridiculously cute.
27} You can never have too many children's books. You can never read to your kids too much either.
28} You can however, take too many pictures, of the same thing. You will find eleven pictures on your phone of your baby in the same pose. It's okay though, take time to go back and look through the pictures. It will make your heart smile.
29} Matching baby socks are like doing a jigsaw puzzle. I swear the dryer eats them. And when your child turns three and wants to wear one pink sock and one white sock, let them. The sock police will not arrest you and your kid will be happy and proud of herself.
30} You will FREAK OUT when your husband plays rough with your kids. They won't even get hurt, they will laugh, squeal and have a blast...usually.