10 After-Baby Tips for Husbands Everywhere

10 After-Baby Tips for Husbands Everywhere

When I become a first time mother, I felt stressed, tired, sleep deprived, and frustrated. I just felt overwhelmed while my husband was well-rested, energetic, and relaxed. Until one day, my frustration got to the point where I got upset when he wasn't helping out with the baby. I would tell him that he wouldn't come to help me when the baby cried constantly or come and offer to watch the baby because I needed a rest. My husband would tell me, "You didn't ask me," or "You need to let me know if you need a break."

I thought it was common sense to help your wife with the baby, but I guess that's not true. Speaking with other moms whose husbands behaved in the same manner, I know there are more clueless husbands who are not stepping in to help their wives with the baby unless asked to. So I created a list for husbands so they understand what to expect when your wife brings home the baby.

10 After-Baby Tips for Husbands Everywhere
Credit: cheriejphotos.

1. Don't wait until she asks you for help with the baby. HELP HER! Don't just stand there like an idiot, help her! Your wife is probably overwhelmed with the new baby. She’s too focused on how to be a good mother and feels scared out of her mind because she’s afraid of getting it wrong. She’s too occupied with feeding the baby, changing the baby, and comforting a crying baby that she’s not on the look out to find you to ask you for help. Matter of fact, she shouldn’t be asking you to help take care of your baby. Jump in and help your wife out. Oh, you’re nervous? How do you think she feels? At the point when you think she doesn’t need your help, she will need your help. Asking to help will make her feel confident that you have her back when she needs you even if she doesn’t need your help at that moment.

2. Start bonding with the baby right away. It’s never too early to bond with the baby. Yes, your wife is mothering the baby, but there are chances where you can jump in and bond with the baby. For example, when she needs to take a break, tell her that you will mind the baby while she naps or while she’s getting something to eat. Change the baby’s diaper, feed the baby, play with the baby, or simply hold the baby. I know you can’t rough house with a baby (because that's what your instincts are telling you to do), but the slightest touch of your hand is all the baby would need for you to start a bond.

3. Realize that her parenting style will differ from yours. Don’t compare parenting styles. What you do to help the baby sleep will be totally different in the way she helps the baby sleep. Don’t force her to do it “your” way because you feel comfortable doing it that way. If she puts the baby to sleep by nursing and you put the baby to sleep by tiring the baby out, the goal of putting the baby to sleep happened, right? Let her have the freedom to mother the baby the way she feels comfortable just like you would want the freedom to father the baby the way you feel comfortable. As long it doesn’t cause any harm to the baby, does it matter what methods the best? Get over yourself.

4. Just because she gave birth doesn't mean she knows everything about being a mother Ok, I wrote a post on this topic, and I’ll say it again: Just because she gave birth, she doesn’t automatically know how to be a mother. Being a mother takes trial and error and years of experience. I know she’s not as great as your mother (and will never be), but it took your mother years of experience to be a great mother and you need to give your wife that chance too. She will forget things, like pacifiers, bibs, diaper bags, favorite toys, and so on, but she is trying. Don’t make her feel bad when she forgets things, you jerk. She is learning as she goes just like you. Have some compassion.

5. Realize your needs and wants will come last. I find it interesting when a baby enters the picture that the husband thinks that nothing will change in their relationship with their wife. HA HA HA! A baby is a life changing event. What do you mean nothing will change? Remember the sex you were getting every night? Nope, not going to happen, cowboy! You're lucky if you get sex; well at least for the first three months when a new baby arrives. Remember that cold beer she uses to get for you while you’re watching the ball game? Isn’t going to happen. You better walk to the fridge yourself. You’ll be lucky if you can get a hello from her let alone a cold beer. The only bottle you'll see her carry is a bottle of milk for the baby. Also, don't expect her to cook dinner either. You better use those cooking skills or start obtaining cooking skills or have microwaving TV dinner skills and make yourself some dinner, and while you’re at it, make your wife a plate too.

Related Posts

Beautiful Catastrophe: The Death and Rebirth of Becoming a Mother

So I was hanging out the other day with a friend who has a newborn. A freaking gorgeous newborn boy, to be exact. He is her first baby. She has recently become a mother. You know, when we hear those words we hear them like it’s no big deal -- “become a mother,” like you might “become a doctor” or “become a pet owner.” As if it’s just this thing that happens, without anything else happening -- it’s just this exciting addition to one’s life. You add this new thing and go about your business. Like a new-home owner, or a resident of a new town.   Read more >

Would You Let Your Mother (or Mother-in-Law) Watch Your Child's Birth?

I invited my mother-in-law to come to one of the numerous ultrasounds we had of the twins back when we were pregnant. I felt like it was only fair since I not only invited my mother to come to a few appointments, but I would have been personally crushed if my mother hadn't taken me up on the offer. I was a new mum-to-be after a long time of waiting to become a new mum-to-be, and if my mother had shared in the crappiness of infertility with us, I wanted her there to celebrate in the joy of impending parenthood with us.   Read more >

New Motherhood Is Hard Enough: Say No to Visitors

Until I had my son, it had never occurred to me that the first days, weeks, and months of being new parents would be sheer hell. I mean it. I don't envy any of you who are currently trying make it through the first two months of parenthood. It's difficult. Don't believe anyone who says otherwise. They're lying. It's beyond difficult. For us, it all started when we took our son to his first doctor's appointment.   Read more >

Recent Posts by vanessa.spiritoso

Comments

In order to comment on BlogHer.com, you'll need to be logged in. You'll be given the option to log in or create an account when you publish your comment. If you do not log in or create an account, your comment will not be displayed.