Are You In Or Out? 10 Ways To Know For Sure
Is the person you are dating into you? Is this person ready to commit?
Image: Jon Seb Barber via Flickr
While these may seem like easy questions to answer, we’ve learned that people have different ways of defining "dating" versus being in relationships, and that they usually do so in ways that are very personal to their perspectives. With that in mind we wanted to write about it to try dispel any nagging confusion you (or your dating partner) might have.
If you are married, separated, not yet divorced or have been dating someone for over three months then you should answer: “No I am not single” or "I consider myself single but I have been dating someone for X many months.” Even if you have not had the “Are we exclusive” conversation, chances are that one of you isn’t looking to meet anyone else.
So when do you have the “are we exclusive” talk?
It’s obviously important for both of you to know where your relationship is going. We do not think a person should ask these kind of questions after a second or third date but after, say, two months. It is important for you to be up front and honest to ascertain whether your relationship is going in the direction that you both envision. You can tell if the relationship is heading down “commitment road” by the way you feel and by the way the person treats you.
Image: Warren Goldswain via Shutterstock
10 Signs Someone Is "IN" or "OUT":
- They call because they want to, not as an obligation. If the person you are with sounds like they are calling you because they have to and it is a chore for them, the odds are probably not in your favor. Or, if they don’t call you for days and always have an excuse that they are just too busy, it is crap-- so don’t accept it as an explanation.
- You know they're not dating other people. If your significant other voices that they are not dating other people and really like to spend time with you then they are probably ready to commit.
- You genuinely feel that they care for you. If you feel that your S.O. (significant other) is happy to be around you and not just because of what you look like, but because they genuinely care for you,this is a good sign. If they are always saying how hot you are and not focusing on inner beauty and features, then they are most likely just enjoying one thing (your body) and not the long term.
- They make a point to see you regularly. If your S.O. makes sure they put you on their calendar before all of their friends and work-related happy hours, then they are probably feeling the commitment bond and are ready to commit.
- When you are out together, all eyes are on you and not everyone else in the room. If your S.O. can’t focus on you and has to look at every “hotty” that walks by, then chances are they are just not that into you. When someone genuinely cares and respects you, then you will be all they need to look at, especially during a dinner date.
- They ask you to go away with them on a getaway. If your S.O. invites you on a getaway they may be trying to feel you out for commitment material. People like to see how others react in different situations and on various adventures. This could be a big sign that they are serious and really value your relationship.
- They want you to meet their parents. This is a big one. You have done the dinner dates, the various adventures and now it is time to show you off to the parents. Since we are adults, we all know that introducing someone to your parents is special and not something to be taken lightly. If you met mom and dad, you are most like a shoo-in!
- They ask to take care of you if you aren’t feeling well. No one likes being sick. Our inner babies come out and we just want someone to get our juice, bring us soup and make it all ok. If your S.O. asks to bring you something or shows the signs that they truly feel badly, that you aren’t feeling well, then they are a keeper. If they have tons of excuses why they can’t, then NEXT!
- They are not tied to checking their phone every 2 minutes when out with you. Most of us are guilty of being attached to our cell phones, like our lives depend on the next email, text, or status update. Instead of looking at your phone, at least wait until the person steps away to use the restroom. Never leave your phone on the table during dinner--major faux pas. Unless your date is on call for the ER, she should always give you her undivided attention, if she feels you are a keeper.
- They make sweet gestures-- surprise gifts, dinners, getaways, poems, playlists, or trinkets that show they think about you when you are not around. For someone to send you flowers out of the blue, or surprise you with a fun dinner or planned picnic, you know they are into YOU! It does not have to cost a lot for someone to show they care. In love and relationships, there is more emphasis on thought and communication. Making the person feel special, outside of the norm, will show that the person is valued.
With all of this said, we do not suggest asking “Where do we stand?” more than once or every time you see each other. This may actually have an adverse affect of making someone feel smothered, trapped, or duped into a relationship. If you feel that this person is “not that into you” or always places you last on his/her list of priorities, feel free to broach that subject. Ask the person if he/she sees future plans with you and if not, simply cut the person off and look for someone who is going to give you what you deserve.
Even though it sounds selfish, put yourself first. Give the relationship enough time to nurture itself naturally and know when to throw in the towel! The best relationships have a foundation built on honesty and integrity. So get out there and have fun and know you can be confident that you are putting the most important person first, yourself!